Aircraft Carriers Now Run By Texting

Well, I bet you didn't see this coming.

Radio commercials for ARINC are boasting that all the functions aboard an aircraft carrier can be performed using texting technology, including navigation, avionics, and the ability to maneuver and land military and commercial air, land, and sea craft.

Do we really want to have some n00b with an itchy thumb on billions of dollars worth of military equipment with lives hanging in the balance? As if texting while driving wasn't bad enough!

Here is what could happen when these two unlikely things come together:

Operator: opN D pod bay drs, hal.
Ship: Sry dv, i cnt do dat

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Operator: nEme n range. launch d fyters. fyr d guns!
Ship: l%k Dave, I cn C ur realy ^set bout dis. I onestly tnk u ought 2 sit dwn calmly, taK a str$ pill, n tnk fings ovr.

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sos. kbrd brokN. shp 1ly turns <-

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op: nd hlp. radar nt wurkn
m8: ok. w8. w r u?
op: dk. h20 evrywhr.

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d capt. saw u nekN d 1st m8. big strife

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IK d foe S atackin. wups brb, dats my cll w8N

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i pushD d rong butN, now d planes r n d H2O

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av u evr triD 2 prllel prk d rcraft carrier n d str8 of Hrmuz?

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w'r nt yr foe. cnt we B F? we've got d bigA guns, lol

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incr speed 2 4T nts n hrd 2 (*) board

For those of us who aren't particularly texting inclined, try this texting translator here.