Truth Challenged

We had one of those incidents that you're not supposed to talk about in polite company. The kind involving kids, body waste, and finger painting.

Uh, yeah, let's just chalk it up to a "tactile phase" and leave it at that. Suffice it to say we needed to get one of the drapes dry cleaned.

I took it to the new Zips that opened up near the house and they said they don't do draperies. So I took it where I get my shirts and pants done and dropped it off. The drapes are linen of some sort, but I've had a linen shirt dry cleaned there before with no problems.

When I got them back, Mrs. Nod hung them up and said, "We have a problem." If you look at the picture here, it's fairly obvious: the right drapes are now 4 inches shorter than they started. The lining is pulled away from the drapes and hangs exposed. The drapes aren't even creased, they've been ironed flat - and not well, because they're still wrinkled in places.

So I took this picture and confronted the dry cleaning lady. I told her these drapes have obviously been washed instead of dry cleaned, and now they're ruined. How would you react? If you're this lady, you start acting like you're at the bazaar haggling for goods.

She immediately insisted they had been dry cleaned because she saw it done herself. (She wasn't even there that morning.) I said it didn't matter since they were ruined. Then she tries to say that dry cleaning sometimes shrinks stuff. (Nope. Not buying it.)

Well, there was a big coffee stain on it, and it had to be pre-treated. Big coffee spills sometimes shrink stuff. (Are you serious? And I suppose coffee shrinks things a nice even 4" across? Besides - that's not coffee.) Well, we can maybe let them out from the top if you have a valence. (Um. No. These are ruined and I'm going to want some money to help replace them.)

Well, we have a policy that limits our liability to 10x the cost of cleaning. (Yes, I'm aware of the policy. Pay up.) Of course, we have to factor in depreciation and wear and tear and stuff. (It's not a car, they're drapes. They just hang there until you take them down. Years even.) Oh, well, since you're my good customer, I'll write you a check. (Make sure you spell my name right.)

What is it about some people that they are so truth challenged even in the face of overwhelming evidence? It truly is incomprehensible to me. I had a receipt and photographic evidence. I don't have the bargaining skills that some of my siblings have, but I do bring a couple of things to the table: deep-seated distrust of people who are trying to take my money, and a willingness to stand there embarrassing you in front of other customers for as long as it takes. My negotiating tactics include: bald faced factual statements and staring at you when you say something stupid until your ears burn with shame.

I'm more inclined to yell and gesture, but since I'm not physically imposing, I've found that a quiet menace is much more unnerving to strangers. I actually lower my voice and deliver it deadpan so that you have to lean forward to hear what I'm saying. This is good, since I don't lose my temper and don't have to go to Confession afterward.

I just want what's equitable. I got some money to replace my drapes -- not nearly enough, but some. And nobody had to get hurt - this time.

Ut Unum Sint

The Big News (maybe more than it should be) that has gotten the religious and anti-religious crowds all a-twitter is the recent announcement of the "personal ordinariate" which smooths the way for Anglicans to convert en masse to Catholicism.

Anti-Catholic and irreligious groups clearly Don't Get It (TM). So-called news stories and opinion pieces say things like:

• "[CM] Pope Benedict's latest bid to expand the conservative wing of the Roman Catholic Church" and
• "[DR] Progressive policies within churches often result in some of the faithful changing denominations, but this move is unprecedented, primarily because it relaxes some doctrines deeply held by Catholics."
  
• and even the AP: "designed to entice traditionalists opposed to women priests, openly gay clergy and the blessing of same-sex unions."

The last one is so openly hostile to Catholicism and traditional beliefs that it defies belief; the first two examples can be forgiven for being "opinion pieces", but Nicole Winfield of the AP isn't even pretending to be an "objective" journalist.

The Pope and the Vatican aren't "fishing in other people's ponds" as some have claimed. These Anglicans, especially the TAC, came knocking on the door for several years asking to be let in en mass. The Church's job was to find a way to make that happen.

The claim that the move "relaxes some doctrines deeply held by Catholics" is bogus. These people wouldn't know a doctrine if it bit them in the rear. Doctrine, dogmas, and disciplines of the Church are 3 very different things.

Most of these yahoo pundits have only ever encountered the Latin Rite (the largest) and so don't realize that the Universal (i.e. Catholic) Church has many expressions and traditions, but only 1 set of beliefs. Other rites allow married priests, etc. Nobody is getting a pass on transubstantiation, sacraments, male-only priesthood, Marian theology, salvific grace or any other "deeply held belief". These critics are mistaking the icing for the cake.

The clear and obvious fallacies stem from an understanding of religion as a political action, social movement, or mere preference. They view it from a mindset of a means to power. It is power they love, and only power they understand.

Jesus prayed that we might all be one. This just helps that happen after so many years of division. That is what ecumenism means: we don't "dialogue" until we come to a compromise, the Catholic Church just helps you understand what the Truth actually is, so that you can accept it.

For more practical insight into the real difficulties facing potential Anglican converts, go have a look over at Father Longenecker's blog, since he IS a married Anglican convert and Catholic priest.

Kind Comes From Kind

I love six year-olds some days.

Nod-girl knows we're going to be getting a side of beef later this week. Kids her age love to reassert things they know. So she turns to me at the dinner table and says:

Baby cows come from Momma cows, not zebras or hippos.

What is so great about this statement is that it is plainly obvious to her that like comes from like, kind comes from kind. We had just gone over this together in the Creed: God from God, Light from Light, true God from true God.

What is also patently obvious to her is that human mommies have baby humans, and mommies shouldn't try to kill their babies. So simple, you'd think you wouldn't have to explain it to adults (or pregnant 17 year old Utahans who hire people to beat them up). This isn't a football game where the side judge looks to see if the player's foot was over the line or not. There are no moral ambiguities here.

So I'll take the simplicity of a six-year old any day. She never looks for tomatoes on a corn stalk.