Bourbon Is For The Lips

No! No! NO! You drink the bourbon, put gas in the car ...

Kentucky Man Invents Bourbon Powered Junk Car

[iSpyce] With fuel prices rising like they are going crazy, a man from Kentucky probably came up with what is thought to be a solution to gas prices of today. A 62 year-old man, Mickey Nilsson, of Bardstown, Kentucky, made a bourbon-powered junk car. He got the idea from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (a movie from 1968 directed by Ken Hughes and staring Dick Van Dyke, Sally Ann Howes, Lionel Jeffries and Benny Hill) and the stars of American Pickers. Nilsson said that his inspiration came from a character played by Dick Van Dyke in the classic Disney movie. The character in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang assembled a flying car from junk parts.

Adventures In Neighborhoods

I hate to think badly of anyone, and I'll usually go out of my way to make excuses for others, but I've got to admit my neighbor runs a very ... unorthodox household.  The more I  try not to think about it, the weirder things she does, and the more the creeping suspicion grows that something Just Doesn't Add Up.

Here we are in a down economy, and she's actually expanding her house. During the housing and economic boom, this was completely unremarkable in our neighborhood. Now, it's a cause for pause.
She doesn't have a job and is currently taking school classes for something-or-other. So just where is the money for all this coming from?

She rents out her house, which she also lives in, on a month to month basis. She got a maximum 3 or 4 renters and I doubt she's getting top dollar, but who really knows? When she initially moved into the neighborhood, I was first on the Welcome Wagon. She is supposedly married, but her husband doesn't live here, and I've never laid eyes on him. When I confronted her about this, she waved her hands and gave a vague "it's better to just let him go do whatever" kind of answer.

Who buys a house with a wife that you don't intend to live with? From what I've pieced together her "husband" owns a construction company and lives with his girlfriend. Yet, there has been continual interior construction going on from Day 1. The implication is he's doing it -- but why? She is neither young nor beautiful, and she is not native born USA.

I smell green card fraud and a money making scheme. I can't figure out the angle though. We've had ICE staking out the house during the Troubles. It's gotten lots quieter since then, but no less weird.

Incidentally, this picture shows the whole "house on stilts" effect that comes from turning your deck into an enclosed room that I hate. I refused to do this to my house, although I have a split level. I spent the few extra bucks and dug out the basement for future expansion. 

Can you imagine someone walking under your house and knocking on the floor?

Painting The Roses Red

We live on the most ... colorful ... street sometimes. We've discussed before certain peculiarities that my neighbor exhibits. Mostly we mind our own business but when you do things in public, people will talk.

I can appreciate that she is trying to maintain the grounds and keep up property values. Generally speaking everything can be "smartened up" with a coat of paint (except when it's my fence). However, there are certain things that generally do not need to be painted - which include trees.

Mrs. Nod alerted me to the fact that our neighbor was painting her tree trunks brown. Aren't they already brown? Yes, but not this shade of brown. Maybe it's an herbicide or anti-fungal. No, it's a gallon of brown stain.

Um ... that's odd. It will likely kill the trees too. I've heard that dogs sometimes can kill a tree by chewing all the bark off in a circle on a tree trunk. I know that human beings can die if they paint 100% of their skin since it won't be able to breathe. Therefore, I imagine that trees won't fare particularly well if you paint the entire trunks.

But hey, in the meantime it's a lovely shade of brown. It reminds me of this clip from Disney's Alice in Wonderland where the Cards are painting the white roses red.

Painting the roses red
Many a tear we shed
Because we know
They'll cease to grow
In fact, they'll soon be dead
And yet we go ahead
Painting the roses red

Apples And Mushrooms

It makes for an interesting collection, but I can't figure out why the neighbor carefully mowed around these toadstools and didn't remove them.

The bough of the apple tree makes a nice frame for the mushrooms, don't you think? The neighbor's behavior is weird, I can't help that.

Incidentally, the haze in the picture is due to the instant condensation on the lens when I took the camera from the cold, dry inside air to the hot, muggy outside air. I figured it wasn't worth a second shot.

Firing The Neighbor: Part 2

So to recap, I put up a fence and then my neighbor painted it without asking me first. Shocking and a little bit strange, I know.

I am a firm believer in property rights - mine, to be specific. I get a little bent out of shape when I see people encroaching on my land (or my view). The former I have a right to, the latter merely an expectation.

So I made it clear that I expected her to pay to have it fixed; she claimed she couldn't afford it. (So why was she wasting paint on my fence? She apparently thought she was being "neighborly".)

"Look", I said, "you have clearly made a mistake. We all make mistakes. The important part is what you do about it. I have no wish to call the police, make a complaint, and sue you for the money, but I can. I'm sure you don't want that either, so let's make a deal."

"You buy me new pickets and rails. I'll try to sand the paint off the posts with my belt sander (yay, power tools!) and rebuild the fence. Your job is to get the paint off of my house, both siding and concrete. If this doesn't work, then I'm hiring someone to do it and you're paying for it."

"Deal?" Deal.

She had written us a note and put it on our doorstep asking us not to be "mad". I'm not happy, I told her, but I'm not mad. You make it right and then we'll be squared up; if not, then I'll be mad. Our religion tells us to be forgiving, but also to make up for our offenses.

So instead of fixing my shed door, ramp, and tractor I instead rebuilt the fence. And other than pulling some muscles in my back, every thing is mostly OK. Not great, but OK; I definitely wouldn't hire me to do this professionally.

I used this as an opportunity to show a little mercy while still insisting upon righting the wrongs. I also used it as a lesson for the Nodlings on how to resolve disputes and apply some Christian values at the same time. I was firm but I never raised my voice or called my neighbor nasty names. We solved the problem in the most economical manner and I donated all the sweat equity.

How many times must I forgive my neighbor? Seventy times seven, which means a whole lot. Some day I may be in need of the same.

Firing The Neighbor

Working with handymen and contractors can be a crazy experience.

Some are really, really good and those are the ones you try desperately to keep. Some are obviously bad, and you fire them at your first opportunity. But most of them are kind of "middling" and you end up putting up with some things in order to keep your price. I've got a crew like that now. Functionally the things they fix are fine, but aesthetics seem to come second.

We had the hardwood floor in the kitchen repaired under the dishwasher. That went swimmingly, so we went on to the next thing.

I've got a banister at the top of the stairs with a baby gate; originally we put it there to keep babies from falling down the stairs. Now it's in such poor shape that it's the baby gate that keeps the banister from falling down the stairs. We had them replace it, but initially they put the railing up crooked. Didja think I wouldn't notice?

Similarly, our yard gate isn't worth a hoot, so it's perpetually propped open. Well, after Nub escaped out the back door and then out of the back yard and down the street, that had to change. The contractor repaired the gate, but with a mix of the old and new lumber, so it looks funny and the quality is impaired; also the latch doesn't meet up right and one of the posts is lower than the rest.

If this guy's crew doesn't shape up, he's going on the Bad List. I think he's trying to become a General contractor who coordinates work crews instead of doing it himself - and that's a problem if you don't supervise your guys.

If that wasn't bad enough, things are starting to get weird. My neighbor has been painting her fence white. That's fine for her, but I don't want a white picket fence, I like mine au natural. When I went to work, my workmen were installing my fence/gate; when I came home half of my fence had been painted white. (And not the part nearest the neighbor.) And to top it all off she got paint on my house siding.

Of course I confronted her about it, let it be known I wasn't too happy, and expected her to fix it. "You mean like wash it off?" No, like replace it. Still no clear reason on why she thought this was a good idea.

So the workmen will either shape up or get fired; what I don't know how to do is fire the neighbor.
=====================
Read Firing the Neighbor: Part 2.

Time Warp

Everyone is always trying to "get ahead". In this case, stories are published before they happen.


These are the kind of things you see when you stay up late on the "Inter-tubes". Although it is most hilarious to see on real-time election sites where they have declared a winner with 0% of the vote reporting.

Idiot Speak

Scientists say dolphins should be treated as "non-human persons" since they are the world’s second most intelligent creatures after humans.

Scientists making the discovery have been determined to be the third ...

The Drunk Train

Earlier in the month I had the opportunity to ride the Drunk Train.

I hadn't intended to do that, but that's how it worked out. We had gone into DC to celebrate my brother's birthday at RFD (Regional Food and Drink). RFD bills themselves as:

RFD is code for B-E-E-R and no place in town has a beer list quite like it. In fact, WASHINGTON CITY PAPER proclaimed RFD’s tap lineup the "Best Draft Beer Selection" in all of DC.

RFD is the sister bar to DC’s legendary 53 year old Brickskeller and offers over 30 beers on tap, including a cask-conditioned ale and constantly rotating selection of rare beers and specialty handcrafts. That extensive list is further expanded by RFD's 300-plus inventory of bottled beers from around the world. At the full-service bar, premium liquors and wines are also available, including an impressive list of single-malts and small-batch bourbons.

It was the cask-conditioned ale and rare beers we were after. My brothers and I have developed a wide (read eclectic) taste in beer, so going to a place where there was hard to get varieties was an enticement indeed. The show we went to didn't end until after 9:00pm so we didn't get to RFD until closer to 10:00pm. A couple of taste tests and a lot of yakkity-yak later, and next thing we know we're closing the joint. So we trundled off to catch the Metro homeward.

Apparently the show was just beginning.

There were several knots of people sprinkled about the train, huddling themselves against obviously too much drink. Some looked green, some were giggly, and others were nearly oblivious; we were amused.

Suddenly the Metro operator starts blathering over the intercom keeping up a steady patter of chatter and sound effects.

If you feel you are about to throw up, please wait until you exit the train to do so. I don't feel so good ... Bleeaaachh!

Did he just pretend to ralph over the microphone?!

I'm a train engineer, not a janitor!

Yup. We were regaled with impressions of Yoda, rappers, Englishmen, Aussies, and similar inanities. I think the guy was enjoying his job a little too much. It was certainly ... different.

Once was funny, but I don't think I'd want Mr. Toad's Wild Ride as a regular thing.

It's The Thought That Counts

Saw this in the bottom of the open Pentagon City Mall parking garage: Disaster Refuge Area. It was sitting in front of a 2 foot square locked storage shed. Brilliant, eh?


But they thought of having one. That counts for something, right?

Just saying.

Friday's Been Canceled

You just don't know what tomorrow will bring.

According to the BBC, global warming has been canceled and global cooling will take its place. Carbon credit junkies would prefer if you'd just call it by its generic name, climate change.

Banks everywhere are canceling people's credit cards and loans have dried up due to the global recession, even for people with good credit.

Joanie Loves Chachi has been canceled for decades, but nobody really noticed.


But to top it all off, according to the weather channel, Friday's been canceled as well. It doesn't matter -- apparently it was going to rain anyway.

They Took My Safeway

The Safeway grocery store up the street closed its doors for the last time here at the end of August. Not much reason was given, except for one employee said they weren't making enough money and something about their stock price took a big hit recently.Now, since my average grocery bill is 3-5 Benjamins, I thought I was personally keeping them afloat. The Nodlings cried when they heard about it: Safeway's the best store -- ever! Wah!

(Uh, really? I don't remember you having a preference before today ... but I digress.)

Now I'm stuck with only Shoppers, Giant, Bloom, Harris Teeter, Trader Joe, Costco, and Wegmans. Whatever will I do?

Car Space Oddity

Although the title sounds like a science fiction film, it really describes what odd things people do when they get in their cars.

By putting three inches of steel and glass between one person and the next, people believe that they are alternately invisible or invincible.

We've all seen people eating, talking on the phone, texting, picking their nose, putting on makeup, reading the newspaper and the like while driving.

(Now, you and I would never do anything like that (yeah, right); and we know that anyone who drives slower than you is an idiot, and anyone who drives faster is a maniac ...)

But today I saw something that I think takes the cake; it simultaneously made me laugh and want to change lanes to get away.

A guy was playing the ukelele while driving. Both hands. And he was the only guy in the car. Are you serious? Playing an instrument while driving? Crazy.

Real Or Photoshop?

Like the Bard says: There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

Some things are just weird looking: the long beaked echidna, who, like the platypus is a mammal that lays eggs. The super shy echidna only lives in the tropical rain forests of New Guinea.

Is it me, or does that front leg look like Barney Rubble's hand?