Nikki And Babs Giveaway

Fellow Catholic Dads contributor, Tim Burke at Salvation Is An Adventure, is giving away a free DVD of Niki and Babs: Do and Doubts!

Tim reviewed this Christian episodic for girl teens back in July, and it was something that piqued my interest since I have 3 girls of my own. They haven't quite reached their teens just yet, but a father can't be too prepared -- and you have to snatch up all the good resources while they are available.

I have one sister and growing up it was like a different soap opera every week. In talking to my wife, it is building good relationships that is toughest for girls. Yes, they are better at it than boys, but they can also be much nastier and cliquish. So good models are key.

Tim writes:

The series of five episodes centers on Nikki, a quiet, reserved teenager who is forced to spend the summer with her loud, boisterous cousin, Babs. The interaction between the two is hilarious. Each episode involves an adventure that Nikki and Babs encounter over the course of their summer together. Each episode also take on a specific Christian theme:

1. Judgment Day: Nikki learns that judging others only leads to hurt and a feeling of guilt.
2. Idle Worship: Both Nikki and Babs learn that it is better to worship Christ than man.
3. A Difficult Thing: Babs damages the trust Nikki has in her and must make a sacrifice in order to regain that trust.
4. Y-N-V: Nikki is envious of Babs' accomplishments as they battle for the same job.
5. Vanity Share: Babs learns a lesson in vanity as she and Nikki decide whether to enter a local beauty pageant or participate in their church talent show.

Sounds good to me! Tim says it's a great resource that he uses with his youth groups, and who am I to disbelieve him? If you're feeling generous, Tim, send a copy my way!

If you'd like a shot at a free copy, pop on over to Salvation Is An Adventure and leave him a comment. Better yet, blog or tweet on it and get two chances to win.

Angelic Virtues

What's a Virtue? Other than the habit of doing good or moral excellence, the Virtues are second order angels, according to Thomas Aquinas. Virtue comes from the Latin root, "vir", meaning "man"; so virtue is an aspect of manliness or courage.

Virtues are known as the Spirits of Motion and control the elements. They are sometimes referred to as "the shining ones." They govern all nature. They have control over seasons, stars, moon; even the sun is subject to their command. They are also in charge of miracles and provide courage, grace, and valor.

According to traditional Thomistic division, there are 9 choirs, or ranks, of angels in three spheres: 1) Seraphim, Cherubim, Thrones; 2) Dominions, Virtues, Powers; 3) Principalities, Archangels, Angels.

Angels are powerful creatures; not to be trifled with. These are not fat baby angels with wings, these are celestial creatures that exude the Power of God with which they are imbued.

From Dionysius the Areopagite: [source]

"The name of the holy Virtues signifies a certain powerful and unshakable virility welling forth into all their Godlike energies; not being weak and feeble for any reception of the divine Illuminations granted to it; mounting upwards in fullness of power to an assimilation with God; never falling away from the Divine Life through its own weakness, but ascending unwaveringly to the superessential Virtue which is the Source of virtue: fashioning itself, as far as it may, in virtue; perfectly turned towards the Source of virtue, and flowing forth providentially to those below it, abundantly filling them with virtue."

The list of the seven virtues include the 3 Theological virtues of Faith, Hope, and Charity as well as the 4 Cardinal virtues of Prudence, Justice, Temperance, and Fortitude.

Age Appropriate Virtues: 16 To 18 Years Old

A resource that I refer back to periodically is a book called Character Building: A Guide for Parents and Teachers by David Isaacs. It outlines the general virtues that parents should be developing in their children at various ages.

• Up to 7 years old
• From 8 to 12 years old
• From 13 to 15 years old
• From 16 to 18 years old

These are the days that will try parent's souls and put our kids virtues to the test. Time to put the crowning touches on their virtue foundation.

From 16 to 18 years old

• Prudence
• Flexibility
• Understanding
• Loyalty
• Audacity
• Humility
• Optimism

The first virtues we emphasize for this age level are based on the ability to reason things out intelligently; in other words, it is almost impossible to develop virtues fully without a certain intellectual capacity. ...

When we come to describing how these virtues work, the reader will be able to see why I say this. For example, I speak about 'continually gathering information'; 'thinking out the consequences'; 'protecting a series of values'; 'recognizing various factors influencing situation'; 'recognizing one's own shortcomings'; etc. Therefore, it seems good to emphasize these virtues at the stage when young people are more intellectually developed. ...

In the earlier stage dangers arose out of letting their passions 'do their own thing'; in this later stage the main danger is mistaken ideas. Hence the need for flexibility so that they can learn from different situations without saying goodbye to the standards governing their personal behavior. ...

Parents should realize that already at these ages it is very difficult to require children to do things: nor is it such a good idea, anyway. Rather what they should be doing is really requiring the children to think things out before taking decisions; they should be reminding them of the importance of adopting standards which can form a basis for acting reasonably.

Age Appropriate Virtues: 13 To 15 Years Old

A resource that I refer back to periodically is a book called Character Building: A Guide for Parents and Teachers by David Isaacs. It outlines the general virtues that parents should be developing in their children at various ages.

• Up to 7 years old
• From 8 to 12 years old
• From 13 to 15 years old
• From 16 to 18 years old

I don't have any kids this old yet, but if anyone would like to share their experiences, feel free to let us know what we're in for.

From 13 to 15 Years Old

• Modesty
• Moderation
• Simplicity
• Sociability
• Friendship
• Respect
• Patriotism

From age of thirteen to fifteen, it seems desirable, in view of the young person's greater awareness of his own intimacy, to insist especially on virtues linked with temperance, in the first place. The purpose behind this is to help him keep goodness in sight and not let his passions get out of control.

If we emphasized fortitude earlier on, we now come to harnessing that virtue to protect what is everyone's precious possession - his intimacy. By this I mean soul, sentiments, thoughts - not just physical intimacy. The virtues of modesty and moderation involve recognizing the value of what one possesses, so as then to make better use of it - in accordance with standards which are right and true.

What kinds of motivation can we offer children at this stage? I thing we have to give them reasons. We ourselves generally learned to behave by imitating our educators, but nowadays our children are not inclined to imitate us. They ask for reasons. ...[I]n connection with giving information to young people, I would dare to offer a recipe: information should be given by the three C's - clearly, concisely, and then changing the subject.

Apart from those virtues connected with temperance, it is good also to emphasize others which have to do with the person's privacy and with is relationships with others. That is why I stress sociability, friendship, respect, and patriotism. These four virtues presuppose being interested in one's own privacy and in the good of other people in a practical way. And it is here that the parents can make their biggest contribution. I refer to the guidance they give their children about how to channel their concern for others into practical acts of service. We should realize that the adolescent by his very nature is idealistic and also needs to have new experiences. If we parents fail to help him, then it is likely that outside influences will misguide him.

Simplicity, because an adolescent needs it if he is to act in accordance with his ideals and to be accepted for what he is.

The Virtues: Annoying Things To Persevere With

A resource that I refer back to periodically is a book called Character Building: A Guide for Parents and Teachers by David Isaacs. It outlines the general virtues that parents should be developing in their children at various ages.

• Up to 7 years old
• From 8 to 12 years old
• From 13 to 15 years old
• From 16 to 18 years old
  

It seems to me that the transition for parents is just as difficult as it is for children. Teaching and motivating children and this age takes more patience, more explanation, and a different approach. Saying "because I asked you to" doesn't cut it anymore. Children become more aware and are looking to their parents' example as much as their words. Although they are paying more attention to the world around them, their awareness doesn't penetrate very deeply beyond themselves. This is the perfect time for the "object lesson" -- but you still have to spell it out.

From 8 to 12 years old

• Fortitude
• Perseverance
• Industriousness
• Patience
• Responsibility
• Justice
• Generosity

As we will see, we now come to four virtues connected with the cardinal virtue of fortitude; two connected with justice and one with the theological virtue of charity.

Children at these ages undergo a series of biological changes with the arrival of puberty, and it is very desirable for them to develop their will, so as to strengthen their character. They now begin to take more personal decisions but they need criteria in order to know whether their efforts are going in the right direction. We complement the virtues connected with fortitude by including some virtues directly concerned with other people - responsibility, justice and generosity.

Anyway, it is logical for children of this age to focus more on what they are doing, on the action itself, than on the person at the receiving end of the action. They are not yet very aware of their own intimacy. This is a stage when we should try to get children to keep at things not out of obedience, but rather for the satisfaction of managing to overcome some obstacle. This is the age for challenging targets (but reasonable targets). Just as the small child is very aware of the rules of the game when playing with his companions and in general in relationships with others, it is surely good to stimulate children to develop virtues out of a sense of duty towards their companions, for example, but without forgetting to enthuse them with a worthwhile ideal. In this way they will get the satisfaction that comes from making an effort to overcome themselves.

All these virtues call for the use of the will. When we come to the descriptions of the virtues we will see that they have to do with 'putting up with annoying things', with 'continually making an effort to give to others', to 'attain what they set out to achieve', to 'resist evil influences', etc. To do all these tings they need to set their sights high and not to be content with mean ideals.

This is a crucial time for 'aiming high'. By this I mean raising children's sights up towards God and getting these human virtues to build up their developing faith.

Next time we will touch upon:

From 13 to 15 years old

• Modesty
• Moderation
• Simplicity
• Sociability
• Friendship
• Respect
• Patriotism

The Virtues: Drop Dead And Other Age Appropriate Things

We don't know ahead of time when we will die, when the Lord will call us to account. Mrs. Nod has actually forbidden me from dying on pain of death. (I tried to reason with her about that one, but no luck.)

A 50-year old father at our Catholic school up and died suddenly this week. He leaves behind a grieving widow and at least two boys. Wynken and the other 5th - 8th graders attended the funeral Mass at the parish today. Wynken said that he was a bit sad about it and recalled two other funerals that he has attended: one was for a (former) classmate earlier this year (very sad), the other was for his great-grandmother when he was 5 years old. I told him it was OK to be sad, but that we had the hope of the Resurrection.

I remember when his great-grandmother (on his mother's side) died. We attended with Mrs. Nod's family, and we had to travel to West Virginia where Grandma was born and her husband was buried. My nephew who is 8 months younger than Wynken was there and during the wake the boys got into a heated argument.

It seems that his parents had told him that Grandma had "fallen asleep" and wouldn't wake up again, whereas I had gently but firmly told Wynken that Grandma had died, and answered any questions he had at the time. (I honestly don't remember what they were.)

I've always made it a policy to answer any direct questions my kids ask as simply and honestly as I can at an age appropriate level. I might not volunteer every bit of information I have, depending on their maturity, but I've never lied to my kids.

That, of course, is the tricky part: age-appropriate information. How do you determine what to tell your kids and when? Obviously this is going to vary from kid to kid and family to family, but there should be some general guidelines that you can follow. Also this week I've had to field questions about why people get divorced, and I've tap-danced around questions related to how babies come into the world. (On one occasion in mixed kid company I replied, "Oh, the usual way.")

A resource that I refer back to periodically is a book called Character Building: A Guide for Parents and Teachers by David Isaacs. It outlines the general virtues that parents should be developing in their children at various ages.

Up to 7 years old

• Obedience
• Sincerity
• Order

"Until they are seven, children scarcely have the use of reason and therefore the best they can do is obey their educators and try to fulfill this duty with affection ... In any event, at all ages the merit lies in obeying whoever is in charge - provided that one is not asked to do something wrong. Obedience is produced by parents making reasonable demands. They will have to be very demanding - but only on a very limited number of points, giving very clear, precise instructions.

"Children could obey because they are afraid or because there is no way out. These are very lowgrade motives. They should be encouraged to obey out of love, to help their parents: this is the first step towards developing the virtue of generosity.

"At the same time we should develop in them the virtue of sincerity, because this requirement to do certain things (to obey) gradually has to be turned into a requirement to think ( a form of guidance), and this guidance by parents only makes sense if it is based on the child's real situation. Sincerity has also a lot to do with modesty and we will come back to this virtue at the teenage stage.

"We also include the virtue of order - for a number of reasons: 1) if it is not developed early on, it is much more difficult to develop it later; 2) it is a virtue necessary for people to get on well together; 3) it is good for mothers' peace of mind: and that, quite seriously, is something important.

Next time we'll cover:

From 8 to 12 years old

• Fortitude
• Perseverance
• Industriousness
• Patience
• Responsibility
• Justice
• Generosity