Catholic Worst Case Scenario Survival Rule #2

Let's say you're a Catholic who has just arrived in the Land of Scorpions. Your great Uncle Rubin has recently died and left you a claim to a silver mine in his will.  After praying for the repose of his soul, you come down to Durango, Mexico to inspect your inheritance.

After confirming that it is an active silver mine you go into town to celebrate your good prospects and to raise a glass (or two!) in the cantina to your great Uncle Rubin. The next morning you wake fuzzy headed and with strange, painful welts on your arms. You decide that Alacrán de Durango doesn't mean Dance of the Scorpions and wasn't meant to be done with live scorpions in any case.

Overcome with remorse and more than a little worried about the welts on your arms you rush to the local Catholic church and line up for Confession. You jump into the box when you suddenly realize: not only does the priest not speak English, you don't speak any Spanish!

You exit the confessional looking woeful and confused. A friendly old Duranguense man who is next in line greets you in English and offers to translate your confession to the priest.

What's a body to do? Is it OK for this man to translate your confession? Does the seal of the confessional apply to your translator as well even though he isn't a priest?

Things are looking pretty dicey indeed. But this Catholic worst case scenario survival tip is just what you need:

CIC, Canon 983.2 A penitent who does not speak the same language as the priest confessor may bring a translator into the confessional. In such a case, however, the translator is also bound by the seal of confession. 
The same canon says that anyone who accidentally or purposely overhears another person's confession is bound by the seal to keep it a secret, even from the penitent. 

Anyone who overhears another person's confession must keep this a secret under the seal of confession, under pain of serious sin. The penalties for revealing another person's confessional material must be just, according to the seriousness of the offense. The penalties may include excommunication, though this is not automatic as in the case of a priest who breaks the seal.

So go ahead and 'fess up, partner. You get the grace of the sacrament, and your translator pal gets to keep your secret. Remember this Catholic Worst Case Scenario Survival Tip #2:

If you're a gringo without lingo and in distress,

Your friend on the end can help you confess.

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Catholic Worst Case Scenario Survival Rule #1

A buddy of mine recently posed this scenario:

You are a Catholic hiking in a remote section of the Himalayan region of south Central Asia or perhaps Russia when you unexpectedly startle a local Yak herd. In the ensuing stampede you are gored by a Yak bull and seriously injured. 

You are afraid you may die and you are aware of a serious sin on your conscience. The herdsman applies basic first aid and carries you down the hill to the nearest Orthodox church. The priest rushes to your side and offers to hear your confession. 

As a Catholic, can this Orthodox priest shrive you?

Wow. That's actually a pretty bad Catholic worst case scenario. What's a body to do? The good news is that Orthodox priests are validly ordained and have valid sacraments. Ergo, an Orthodox priest can forgive sins. The bad news is that the Orthodox church is not presently in communion with the Pope as the Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, so their sacraments are not considered licit (legal) for Catholics.

The Code of Canon Law states:
Can. 966 §1 For the valid absolution of sins, it is required that, in addition to the power of order, the minister has the faculty to exercise that power in respect of the faithful to whom he gives absolution.

So the short answer is -- in normal circumstances: No.  Although the Orthodox priest has the power to forgive sins, he does not have jurisdiction over Catholics.

However, this is anything but a normal circumstance. You've just been gored by a Yak. Shouldn't that be taken into consideration?

The Code of Canon Law makes one exception for emergency circumstances:  
Can. 976  Even though he lacks the faculty to hear confession, any priest validly and licitly absolves from any kind of censures and sins any penitent who is in danger of death, even if an approved priest is present.

So, in the case of emergencies where death is possible, then yes, an Orthodox priest can hear a Catholic's confession -- just as any validly ordained priest may hear a confession.

Catholic Worst Case Scenario Survival Rule #1:

If your gore is gory and the perp's a Yak, 

strive to shrive to the priest in black.

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Tips For Work Travel

Always wear a clean, white, pressed shirt.

Over-tip people who work with their hands, like the shoeshine guy.

Be nice; it gets you a lot farther.

Relax -- you probably can't do anything to get there any faster.

Get a good night's sleep. You're useless when you're not rested.

Call your wife and kids -- they miss you too.